BE COACHABLE

To start off, I will like to quote 1999 World Champion Speaker, Craig Valentine:

“Many people are looking for validation, not education.”

How true isn’t it? There was once this guy came up to me to ask for comments on his speech. In response, I complimented him and also pointed out a part of his speech that he could improve on. And boy was I in for a shock. All of a sudden, he became defensive and started justifying his actions for the next 15 mins. Apparently I heard him wrong. He wanted me to compliment him and tell him what he wants to hear. He doesn’t want any tips on how he can improve. If I would have realized it, I could have avoid the embarassment.

So how open are you to other people’s comments and advice? How coachable are you?

You may get the best mentor in the world who has the most incisive insights but if you are not willing to listen and try it for size, there is no way you will ever improve. The most dangerous thing that can happen to a speaker is when he or she becomes complacent. You will find them sitting on their laurels, building false sense of security from their past successes. They stop asking for help. They stop trying new things. They stop becoming hungry and thirsty for new opportunities to grow. And soon, they stop becoming as good as they used to be… and they wonder why…

When you are not coachable, you essentially shortchanged yourself. You shut doors of opportunities to become a phenomenal speaker. And worse, you run the risk of becoming a mediocre speaker. Is that what you want?

Instead, I encourage everyone of you to be a SPONGE! Soak up everything that you can from everyone around you. Remember the first speaking secret I shared with you? Start evaluating any speaker that come your way. See how you can incorporate the good stuff into your speech and avoid all the bad stuff.

Be willing to question the old way of doing things. Each time someone comes up to you to offer their suggestions, listen really hard. Because they have just given you a golden opportunity to be better at your craft. If you find yourself resisting, drop it and listen. Take notes if you want. And spend time thinking through their suggestions. See how you can apply them. If it works, keep it. If it doesn’t, chuck it aside. And no matter what you do, keep moving forward!

The next time you think you have hit your peak, stretch yourself and you will find yourself reaching out for a higher peak!

8 Speaking “Secrets” Revealed: Attract Mentors to Assist You.
8 Speaking “Secrets” Revealed: Evaluate All Speakers, Simon Cowell’s style!

ATTRACT MENTORS TO ASSIST YOU

Nothing new really. Quite frankly, this is a universal advice that you hear everyone giving yet I do not see many people embracing it. But if you are looking at becoming a phenomental speaker in the shortest amount of time, then mentors are indispensable. Let me first answer a couple of questions that you may have about these group of miracle workers called Mentors.

What is a Mentor?

I see a mentor as an individual whom I am inspired by and has a lot to teach because of his or her wealth of experience. And there are a lot out there with the potential to be your mentor BUT… not all of them will be willing which makes them unsuitable. So the challenge is to find someone whom you are comfortable with (and even inspired by), with a whole lot of experience and is willing to teach you. Now that’s tough but not impossible.

Why are mentors important?

A mentor helps you avoid the mistakes that he or she has made in the past.
A mentor shares with you his knowledge and wisdom so that you can be successful.
A mentor acts as your mirror, showing you things that you are blind to or refuse to see.
A mentor becomes your lighthouse when you are at your lowest.
A mentor brings out the best in you by giving you space to grow.
A mentor believes in you and constantly pushes you past your limits.
A mentor never do the work for you but he runs alongside you.
A mentor knows when to get out of your way so that you can soar.

When you have a mentor that does all the above, there is absolutely no way you can fail!

Over the past two years, I have found several mentors who have helped me a great deal. Some stayed with me for a while and then left as they believed I have learnt all that I can from them. Some continued staying with me, guiding me and pushing me past my limits. All of them have not only taught me how to become a competent speaker but also how to live a fulfilled life. They inspired me to find my calling and help others with my strengths. I would not have been where I am if not for them. And for that, I am deeply grateful.

How do you “find” a mentor?

“When the student is ready, the teacher will appear” – Anonymous

If you have realized by now, you do not have to go out and seek mentors. They will find you when you are ready. Let me explain.

I once asked my mentors why they were willing to mentor me but they could not really give me a definite answer. Come to think of it, it just happen naturally. Say Terence for example. I met him at one of his public speaking seminars. He was extremely passionate about public speaking (and still is). He inspired me so much that I just kept getting in touch with him. I would come up with a whole list of questions and he will patiently answer them. I will go out and try them for size and give him feedback. We then repeat the process. And then we start meeting up more often. He start sharing with me more stuff. And without me realizing it, Terence became my mentor! The same goes with the rest of my mentors. I showed up. I asked. They answered. I gave them feedback. And we start all over again.

So if you ask me, it all starts with first being passionate and determined in improving your speaking skills. Because when you are focused in getting better at what you do, you automatically attract people to help you. And the best part, they WANT to make you successful because of your desire. And remember, when these people come your way, do everything that you can to keep them by your side. Don’t take them for granted!

I will like to leave you with a line in Paulo Coelho’s bestseller – The Alchemist. You will find it very apt in the context of finding mentors.

“If you want something badly enough, the entire universe will conspire to give you what you want!”

8 Speaking “Secrets” Revealed: Evaluate All Speakers, Simon Cowell’s style!

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Afternote – May 25, 2006

I just came home from a panel discussion which I was moderating. The topic was “Human Capital for Entrepreneurial Success”. Interestingly, the idea of having mentors in our lives keeps surfacing. And so I took the liberty of asking the panelists to give us insights into how we can find mentors in our lives. Since we are on the topic of attracting mentors, I decided to give all of you a quick commentary.

One of the panelists, Jeffrey Babin, explained that we can find our mentors by focusing on our passion. Along the way, we will find people who also have common interests with us. These are the potential mentors we want to have!

We have another panelist, Carol Ammon, who reminded us that there is no perfect mentor (how true!!!). There is no one person that can fit all aspects that you want to learn from. However we can have many mentors who will be able to help us in specific areas. So don’t be afraid to go out and find as many mentors as you want. Be greedy when it comes to your personal growth!

And of course, I have one panelist, Thomas Tillett who echoed what I have shared with you in this entry. You don’t find mentors. They find you!! And this ties in with what Professor Babin has said as well. Focus on your passion. Keep exploring ways you can refine your craft. People around you will be so inspired by your dedication that they cannot help but step up to be your mentor.

EVALUATE ALL SPEAKERS, SIMON COWELL STYLE!

One of the fastest (and fun!) way you can grow as a speaker is to be an active audience. Evaluate ALL speakers that come your way, Simon Cowell style! This is how you can have a clearer understanding of what separates a mediocre speaker from a good speaker, and a great speaker from a phenomenal speaker. Remember this: No matter how good or bad the speaker is, there is always something valuable to learn. This is so important that I am going to repeat it.

No matter how good or bad the speaker is, there is always something valuable to learn.

Remember all the positive things that the speaker does and try it for size. See if it works for you.

Remember all the negative things that the speaker does and avoid it at all costs. Sometimes, you may want to ask yourself how you can modify and make it effective.

All of us – at some degree – evaluate speakers. We hear them all the time: “This guy is awesome!” or “Look at how he charmed the audience…” or “Gosh, he should not have crack this joke.” etc. However these evaluations are not thorough enough to offer much teaching value. They are merely observations. In order for us to learn to be better speakers, we have to probe deeper. Question your reactions to the speakers. What the speaker do/not do to make us think he is awesome? How did the speaker charmed you? Why do you think the joke is inappropriate? By asking these questions, you will then have a deeper understanding of the speaker’s motives and also objectively evaluate (as the audience) if it is effective.

I have an extremely simple way to evaluate any speaker – Use the 5W and H. Pay full attention to the speaker and his delivery. And then ask yourself the following questions:

[WHAT]
What did the speaker do that you like/dislike? What are the speakers’ strengths and weaknesses? What are the speaker’s strategies? What causes the speaker to be successful (or not)?

[HOW]
How did these strengths/weaknesses manifest itself in the delivery? How effective are the speakers’ strategies? How can the speaker improve? How can the speaker better himself?

[WHY]
Why did this aspect of the speech puts you off/appeals to you? Why do you think the speaker select this approach/style/topic?

[WHO]
Who is his target audience? Who will benefit from the speaker’s speech/style?

[WHEN]
When was the last time you have heard a similar speech?

[WHERE]
Where in the speech did the speaker create the most impact? Where in the speech were you lost/mesmerized?

Notice all the 5W and 1H can help you generate a whole list of questions? However there is no way you can have answers for all these questions by listening to the speech once (unless you have a photographic memory). What you can do though is to record the speech so that we can re-listen to it and uncover more learning points. Having said that I would recommend that you start with three questions:

1. What did the speaker did well or badly?
2. How can I apply the good points into my speech?
3. How can I avoid making the same mistakes that speaker made?

Simpler?

As you proceed on, you will find yourself automatically looking our for strengths and weaknesses in the speaker. When you become more comfortable, you can delve deeper and begin disecting the speech. You will find youself welcoming ALL speakers even the extremely boring ones coz there will always be something to learn! You will find your growth as a speaker accelerating. You avoid mistakes committed by others. You get to experiment stuff that works. You have more chance to make new mistakes which means more room for growth! Too good to be true right? Believe it!

And more importantly, start doing it. Speakers are everywhere. They can be your daily reporter, lecturer, classmate, supervisor, door salesman, telemarketer etc. The world is your classroom!

Oh one more thing, remember to jot down your evaluations somewhere. You may want to start a journal or even a blog. Whatever it is, write them down so that you can reference them in future when you prepare your next speech. Come to think of it, we should have some kind of Speakers’ Idol!

Recently a lot of my friends have taken an interest in improving their public speaking skills. Two of them have even decided to sign up for a Toastmasters club in the coming week. Way to go! Like any skill, public speaking takes time to hone. The best advice I can give to anyone is to start small. You can begin by reading one public speaking related article a day or make a conscious effort to write and give a 5 mins speech, once a month. Joining a Toastmasters club is also an excellent way to pace yourself in becoming a competent speaker. Bottomline – do SOMETHING, no matter how small it is. Remember the race between the tortoise and the hare: Slow and steady win the race! And in no time, you will see yourself growing phenomenally.

Looking back, public speaking has changed my life dramatically…

Two years ago after watching Jim Key, 2003 International Speech Contest champion, inspiring the audience including myself that it is never too late to dream, I embarked on a personal quest to become an accomplished speaker myself. That was my dream and it still is. Over the two years, I read almost everything I can get my hands about public speaking. I gave over 96 speeches and presentations (min. 2 per week) in the last one year. And yet my journey has only begun! It was tough yet every step of the way was exhilarating. There was always something to learn. Needless to say, my passion in public speaking grew, fueling my desire to get even better. Recently, I found this desire being manifested in helping other people get better at public speaking, which explains this public speaking blog that I started two months ago.

To bring this one step further, I would like to share with all of you – in the next eight entries – eight things I did that fueled my growth as a speaker. They are no rocket science yet each of them plays an important role in my growth. I hope that by sharing with you what works for me, you will be inspired to embark on your own quest in becoming an accomplished speaker! Watch this space!